A lesson in true forgiveness - Jan 10, 2009

I was moved beyond words tonight by the actions of a grieving father. I really wanted to share this story with you, and pray that we all become a little more like this man.

Early this week three Israeli soldiers were killed and more than 20 injured in Gaza when an Israeli tank fired on a building which they thought was hiding Hamas fighters. In what was to become a tragedy, the men inside the building were actually Israeli soldiers in an elite unit. One of the three killed was a young Druze soldier. When his grandfather was asked how he felt about the dead on the Gaza side, with tears on his face and in his voice he replied, "The death of anyone rips at my soul."

The other two killed were officers of this unit, both of them in their mid-20s. One of them was married recently. It is about the father of this man that I want to write.

The death of a child is devastating, and even more so when the son is killed by "friendly" fire. I can't even imagine how the crew of the tank which fired the round feel. Many parents in this situation would scream and yell, call for investigations, and find someone to blame. This officer's father did none of these things. He is a religiously observant Jew who wears a kipa (yamakah) on his head and has a long beard. He is a very quiet man who finds solace in his personal beliefs. Yesterday as he was getting ready for the Sabbath, thinking about his son's too-short life and the way he was killed, he also began to think how the tankists who had inadvertantly killed him would be feeling. The Sabbath is a day which encourages reflection, and this father felt he could not begin the Sabbath without doing something to ease the pain of these young soldiers. He sat down and wrote a letter to the crew of this tank..

In the letter he said straight out that he does not hold them responsible for the death of his son, that he bears them no ill will, that he fully forgives them, and that they should forgive themselves as well. He applauded them for what they were doing for the country and the nation his son loved so much by being willing to put their own lives aside in order to fight for the protection of their country. He wrote them that his son's spirit and memory would now live on forever through them, because they were carrying on with the work his son had given his life for. He concluded the letter by telling them that he was praying for their safety, and wishing them a peaceful Sabbath.

At the end of the interview, he said again that he could not be at peace with himself if he did not do something to help these young men find some peace as well. How many of us would have considered the burdens of others while suffering such deep sorrow ourselves?

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